“She’s the only one who attends every meeting,” says Council.
By Tansy Dellwort, Local Government Watchdog and Goose Translator (Licensed)
HOLLOWBEAK— In what officials are calling “a mildly enchanted clerical error with increasingly legal consequences,” the village of Hollowbeak has once again certified Dame Honkabelle Featherquill—a common barnyard goose—as mayor for the fifth consecutive year.
Despite repeated efforts by regional governors to clarify “species eligibility,” Hollowbeak residents remain firm in their support.
“She’s the only candidate who doesn’t lie, flee, or summon frogs,” said Councilor Bratch. “Also, she bit the tax assessor. That earned her a lot of votes.”
📜 HOW IT HAPPENED (AGAIN)
The error stems from a cursed census quill that automatically records the most “present, persistent, and vocal participant in civic affairs.”
Since Dame Honkabelle:
- Lives on the green,
- Interrupts every town hall meeting,
- And honks at everyone, including the cleric’s ghost…
The system defaults to her.
🪶 MAYORAL ACHIEVEMENTS
During her tenure, Dame Honkabelle has:
- Reduced crime (due to aggressive pecking)
- Increased tourism (“Come See the Goose Mayor!”)
- Signed four binding resolutions (by stepping in ink and waddling across parchment)
She is also credited with personally chasing off three tax collectors and one minor demon.
“I don’t know what she saw in that demon,” said local farmer Elmo Gratch, “but she hated him on sight.”
⚖️ LEGAL CHALLENGES
A recent petition from candidate Dorris Mulchfinger, who lost to the goose in last year’s runoff, demanded a recount and species audit.
In response, Honkabelle chased her into a pond.
“She has my vote,” said one soaked observer.
Attempts to depose the goose using legal means have failed, largely because:
- She cannot be subpoenaed
- She will not attend court without breadcrumbs
- The court once ruled “It’s not illegal if it’s adorable”
🎩 UPCOMING ELECTIONS
Next month’s civic debate is scheduled to be held in the town square.
Confirmed participants:
- Dame Honkabelle (via honks and aggressive posture)
- A gnome named Phil with a tambourine
- A sentient cabbage that recently joined the Watchlist
Voters are encouraged to bring umbrellas, grain offerings, and an open mind.
🧠 FINAL THOUGHTS
Whether she’s waddling through ordinances or chasing away necromancers, Mayor Featherquill’s reign continues to defy both legal precedent and common sense.
And in Hollowbeak?
That’s kind of the point.
“At least she’s honest,” said Councilor Bratch. “And loud. That’s half the job.”
