“We were promised ambiance,” says one resident. “What we got was lured into the swamp.”
By Cinder Kelpwick, Civic Infrastructure Correspondent & Certified Lantern-Exorcist
GLIMMERGLEN— What began as a modest effort to modernize Glimmerglen’s dimly lit cobbled roads has escalated into a full-blown planar incident, after the new “ever-glow arcane lanterns” installed last week began attracting will-o’-the-wisps in mass migration patterns.
Dozens of the luminous, soul-siphoning fae spirits now hover over Main Street, softly pulsing in the twilight hours and whispering in Elvish to anyone who lingers.
“We thought it was mood lighting,” said innkeeper Lolla Dreg. “Until one tried to convince my aunt to follow it into the hedgerow for a ‘secret’ pastry recipe.”
🕯 INTENTIONS WERE GOOD, SAYS COUNCIL
Funded by a joint grant from the Department of Twilight Safety and the Church of Minor Aesthetic Improvements, the new lanterns were supposed to:
- Increase nighttime visibility,
- Reduce ambient crime rates,
- And “make evening strolls feel more enchanting.”
The lanterns were enchanted using a low-grade planar lure crystal, which the manufacturer, GlowCo Arcane Solutions, swore had only “mild fae resonance.”
Unfortunately, “mild” appears to have been wildly optimistic.
👻 NOT JUST LIGHT—NOW WHISPERS, TOO
Within three days of installation:
- Farmers reported lost time and “trance-like walks”
- The local bard began composing a ballad he cannot stop humming but does not remember writing
- And at least one elderly gnome claims she married a wisp in her sleep
“She has a ring made of dew,” her granddaughter confirmed. “And a new husband named Plllllthsssshh.”
🧙 INVESTIGATION UNDERWAY
A special council of wizards and licensed municipal necromancers have been assembled to:
- Dispel the lantern enchantments,
- Banish or negotiate with the spirits,
- And install mundane torches as a “non-haunted fallback solution.”
Unfortunately, each attempt to disenchant the lanterns has resulted in:
- The summoning of more wisps,
- Mysterious singing from the town well,
- And one case of a goose briefly speaking prophecy.
GlowCo, when reached for comment, suggested that “perhaps Glimmerglen is simply built over an enthusiastic leyline.”
✨ SILVER LININGS?
Despite the hazards, some locals remain optimistic.
“I don’t mind them,” said retired herbalist Torm Undle. “They’re polite, if a bit judgmental. One of them helped me find my keys.”
Tourism has also spiked, with outsiders flocking to see the so-called “Wisp Parade” that now drifts silently through the market square every evening at 8:17 PM sharp.
🔮 FINAL THOUGHTS
Efforts to relocate the will-o’-the-wisps to a nearby bog are underway, though early attempts resulted in two diplomats being lightly possessed and one attempting to elope with a lamppost.
Until then, residents are advised to:
- Avoid speaking to floating lights, especially if they know your name,
- Carry a mirror at all times,
- And if you hear flute music after dark? Walk briskly in the opposite direction.
“It’s all fun and games,” said Councilor Finche, “until the lamps start voting.”
