Ghosts file noise complaints against themselves.
MARROW HOLLOW — The Cemetery Commission has launched its first-ever Seasonal Haunted Hayride in an effort to “increase community engagement” and fund mausoleum repairs.
The hayrides, pulled by spectral draft horses and narrated by a cheerful lich named Gregory, have been praised by visitors for their “immersive spooky realism.” The residents, however, are less impressed.
“It’s not the hayride, it’s the shrieking,” explained spectral petitioner Lorna Grimshaw. “When I wail, it’s a deeply personal expression of sorrow. Now I sound like part of a novelty soundtrack.”
Officials are considering a “quiet hour” option to appease the more introverted dead. Until then, guests are encouraged to bring earplugs—both for themselves and any graves they pass.
