Category: The Civic Report

“She’s the only one who attends every meeting,” says Council. By Tansy Dellwort, Local Government Watchdog and Goose Translator (Licensed) HOLLOWBEAK— In what officials are calling “a mildly enchanted clerical error with increasingly legal consequences,” the village of Hollowbeak has once again certified Dame Honkabelle Featherquill—a common barnyard goose—as mayor for the fifth consecutive year. Despite repeated efforts by regional governors to clarify “species eligibility,” Hollowbeak residents remain firm in their support. “She’s the only candidate who doesn’t lie, flee, or summon frogs,” said Councilor Bratch. “Also, she bit the tax assessor. That earned her a lot of votes.” 📜 […]

“It hovered ominously through all three debates,” says one voter. “That’s more consistency than we’ve had in years.” By Eldin Crasswell, Staff Reporter, Weather-Permitting DRIZZLEFORD— After a record-low turnout and a thunderously dramatic campaign season, the village of Drizzleford has officially named Nimbus IX, a roving sentient stormcloud, as its interim mayor. The vote was held after the previous mayor, a retired hedge mage named Clavon Withersnort, vanished mysteriously during a budget meeting while arguing over pothole repair costs. Only his boots remained, still filled, smoking gently. 🌩 “IT’S A LEADER WITH ATMOSPHERE,” SAYS SUPPORTERS The decision to install an […]

“You cannot seduce everything with a lute,” she says. “Sometimes we’re just trees.” By Claribelle Spindlehook, Investigative Reporter (and Certified Dryad Liaison) THE SYLVAN COURT – In what legal experts are already calling “a landmark case for sentient flora,” a forest nymph has filed formal charges of enchanted harassment, unwanted wooing, and aggressive serenading against a traveling bard known only by his stage name: Strumbold the Suggestive. The case—Nerilei v. Strumbold—was formally opened at dawn in the Grand Grove of Arbitration, where a panel of awakened shrubs and at least one visibly disgruntled willow presided over initial proceedings. The plaintiff, […]

Confused ancient elves ask if tavern accepts mithril coins and interpretive poetry. By Able Quink, Senior Chrono-Disruption Correspondent BINDLEBURROW — Residents of this sleepy hamlet were enjoying a pleasantly mundane festival of cheese folding when a swirling, violet-silver vortex appeared in the sky and promptly dumped seventeen time-displaced elves, three woolly cattle, and one large obsidian sundial onto the village green. Witnesses describe the event as “loud, glowy, and full of screaming in rhymed couplets.” “We thought it was part of the entertainment,” said innkeeper Willa Tannibrook. “But then one of the tourists tried to pay for cider with a […]

“I just wanted to upgrade the acoustics,” he says, digesting his resignation speech. By Thistle Grumplequill, Senior Correspondent for Civic Mishaps GREENSPIRE — In a shocking turn of events—followed immediately by several literal turns, gnashing teeth, and a regrettable belch—the Mayor of Greenspire officially resigned today after the town hall was revealed to be, in fact, a colossal mimic. The revelation came during the mid-week Council of Lanterns, when the south wing unexpectedly grew a tongue and attempted to consume Alderman Feltwick. “It had been humming for weeks,” said local librarian Betzy Fernwinder. “We just thought the acoustics were improving. […]