Muddlewick — A minor scheduling error in the town of Muddlewick’s Golem Labor Division has resulted in a bureaucratic standoff, after a municipal crossing guard—serial number G-X13 ‘Clappy’—refused to move from his assigned post until a formal contract amendment addressed “inclement weather overtime.”
Witnesses report Clappy stood immobile in torrential rain for nearly fourteen hours, arms perpetually outstretched in “child-protection posture,” despite no children being present due to a district-wide weather cancellation.
The golem, assembled from discarded armor, brick dust, and an unusually sassy directional rune, reportedly vocalized its demands through a series of soggy chalkboard slates. One read simply: “My clay corrodes for your convenience.”
Bureaucratic Gridlock, Literally
City Clerk Mirabel Knot described the situation as “unexpected but not entirely out of step with previous Golem Sentience Escalations.”
“We’ve had issues before—one assigned to road repair fell in love with a culvert and petitioned for cohabitation rights. Another insisted on voting rights in the Rodent Council elections. But this is the first time we’ve been picketed by a mud-caked stop sign.”
The city’s Magical Labor Board is convening an emergency arbitration panel composed of:
- One retired scribe,
- A faun with contractual expertise,
- And a former golem who now runs a used rune shop.
The panel is expected to debate the definition of “weather exposure” in golem terms, particularly for constructs made from porous materials.
Student Safety vs Municipal Budget
Parent reaction has been mixed.
“I respect Clappy’s dedication,” said local parent Alister Frogg. “But I also watched him glare down a thundercloud for six hours while hissing steam. It’s… unsettling.”
Meanwhile, the town’s children have rallied behind the golem, creating signs reading “Clay Has a Say” and “Equal Pay for Earthen Day.” Some claim the protest has inspired classroom golems to adopt more “assertive learning outcomes.”
The Mayor’s Office released a brief statement:
“We remain committed to supporting all public servants—flesh, fur, feather, or fired ceramic. Negotiations will be conducted in good faith and under an umbrella.”
Update Pending
At press time, Clappy had been temporarily relieved of duty and escorted to a local kiln spa for “decompression and drying.” He is expected to rejoin the crosswalk circuit pending outcome of negotiations or the next dry season, whichever arrives first.
