“You can’t copyright a yell,” says legal expert. “But you can definitely weaponize it.”
By Quill Sumpkin, Senior Shouting Correspondent
BLAREBURROW— A public disturbance in the usually tranquil town of Blareburrow erupted into bureaucratic scandal yesterday as town crier Broderick Hasp was detained for “unauthorized sonic duplication” following a record-setting shout that echoed for six hours straight.
Local enchanters claim the echo has begun developing a personality of its own, responding to questions, correcting pronunciation, and once muttering the phrase “I deserve better acoustics.”
📣 THE INCIDENT
The trouble began shortly after Hasp declared the arrival of “market cheese hour” with an experimental bellow enhanced by throat-coating elixirs, two voice potions, and a family recipe involving warm pine sap.
The resulting echo—audible for miles—repeated the words “CHEESE HOUR!” continuously, causing:
- 14 cases of dairy confusion,
- The spontaneous formation of a worship circle around a wedge of aged cheddar,
- And the mayor to fall down the town well “purely out of reflex.”
🧠 LEGAL INTERPRETATION
Town solicitor Flevvin Dor argues the case hinges on a “sonic sovereign clause” in Blareburrow’s charter, which strictly prohibits “any voice-based incantation or resonance loop exceeding three legal decibels past natural shout threshold.”
“What we have here is echo fraud,” said Dor. “It’s not the volume—it’s the intentional reverberatory persistence.”
Hasp has denied all charges, claiming he “simply yelled with enthusiasm” and that “the echo is its own man now.”
🗣️ ECHO STATUS: SENTIENT?
The echo—now nicknamed “Reverbo” by local teens—has reportedly taken up residence in the eastern quarry and occasionally recites recipes or mutters municipal meeting minutes from last month.
Several Council members have voiced concern that Reverbo is learning.
“It corrected me when I said ‘aldermen,’” whispered Councilor Vint. “It said ‘alderpersons’ and then sighed like it had seen too much.”
🎩 A COMMENT FROM DR. ANTON SABLE
Visiting scholar and occult bureaucrat Dr. Anton Sable, who happened to be passing through Blareburrow to investigate “municipally haunted mailboxes,” had this to say:
“Sonic entities such as Reverbo represent a fascinating confluence of metaphysics and civic negligence.
I would suggest containment via acoustic dampening wards and perhaps the installation of a formal echo registry office.
Also, let the crier go. You cannot punish a man for producing art in the medium of vibration.”
— Dr. Anton Sable, Office of Audible Incantation Oversight
🧾 WHAT COMES NEXT
The council has voted 3–2 to:
- Relocate Reverbo to a soundproof chamber beneath the old dance hall,
- Place Broderick Hasp on “probationary hush”,
- And replace public announcements with paper pigeons, which are “quieter, if occasionally flammable.”
Until then, townsfolk are asked to limit casual conversation near cliffs, wells, or public sculptures, and to report any disembodied voices offering weather advice.
“If your echo offers legal counsel,” said Judge Delwyn, “you are legally required to ignore it.”
